Casey G

What does it mean to get a sign from the universe? For some, it is to have something overwhelmingly negative or fortunate occur to them in a context that might cause reflection on greater meaning and implication. Finding a $20 bill loosely on the ground, tripping and falling into traffic, seeing the same number in a series of three in a random location (gas price, time stamp, order number, etc.) are all hypothetical but realistic examples of occurrences people accept as “signs,” or otherwise put, comments from a supernatural entity on the trajectory of one’s path, whether it be one already trekked or that is being approached.

This could imply a variety of preceding conditions, such as a recent action taken or decision made that is followed by an event colored by the severity of its malice or fortune, or no definable choice but an event of such severe malice or fortune that it causes one to wonder if at the behest of a divine entity trying to communicate, to offer guidance or support. It is this consideration that reeks of hopeful optimism rather than analytical process or patterned logic; it comes from desire for comfort, this notion that there are celestial hands to offer a light as you carve out the right path. You might acknowledge the misdirection of “sign” centric philosophy upon realizing the intimidating feat of giving in to the free fall – there is no right path, just the one you make.

This modern notion of receiving “signs” from the universe is bent and borrowed in many ways, but stems from antiquated relationships with volatile deities. The gods of old times, who mythology writes of shepherding spiteful droughts, floods, plagues, and other forces to snub out the very life they created. If your god was upset with you, it was believed that they would let you know via manifestation of malice or harm – a cropless season, mass famine and death – implying that the alternative was a ‘sign’ of the god’s pleasure. Attaining these coveted positive signs, such as a bountiful harvest, and avoiding the scourge of divine disappointment inspired sacrifice, ritual, and fearful obedience. I haven’t been to church in a few years, but I used to be a regular attendee, as mandated during my adolescence. While the Catholic church has modernized in some senses, I remember listening to the Irish-accented priest cling to his fire and brimestome as he attempted to instill the fear of God within the congregation. He said God was angry, he was upset with the direction of society and humanity, and that something needed to change or things would only continue to worsen, more people would die. These comments were his statement on the aftermath of the 7.0 M earthquake that rattled Haiti in 2010 and took over 100,000 lives; I was 10 years old, sitting wide-eyed in the second to last pew in horror-filled awe at his words.

From that point on, the idea of working along some imaginary permissions guide felt similar to walking across a field of landmines – how would I ever know I was taking a wrong step until I set one off, and at that point, would it not be too late? This experience and others like it made God seem temperamental and the controlling paradigm of religion more explicit. It prompted me to leap into the arms of logic, science, and philosophy, rather than have me stab my eyes out to follow God, or the men who prop him up to puppeteer divinity. 

Returning back to the original idea regarding “signs” from the universe – my breakup with religion somewhat informs my inability to subscribe to such a notion, but there is more to it. I just don’t get what is a sign and what isn’t a sign, because things happen to me and everyone all the time – which events are we to know to take into consideration against the greater scope of our life’s decisions, and which to disregard as fodder? Furthermore, regarding decisions made and actions taken, and the potential of using this as the backboard for delineating “signs” from non-special events – everything you do is an action or a decision in some way, to proceed or abstain, to remove or apply yourself, etc. How do I know which decision specifically God or the universe or whoever is trying to communicate with me about?

My last anecdote, and it’s funny in the retrospective kind of way, is a recent story about me having a several-hour hangout with a friend in the city. We did a fitness class together, grabbed coffee, thrifted at a few locations, and then parted ways for opposing trains. About 2 minutes after we split, I felt my nose tickle and then it was gushing blood on the sidewalk. I scrambled to get my backpack off with one hand while trying to apply pressure with my other, and had to use the only somewhat absorbing fabric that I had with me and not on my physical body – a tiny pair of shorts I had worn at the gym. My blood was all over me and the street, and my nose continued to bleed heavily (into the shorts, fortunately) for the entire duration of my walk, waiting period, and train ride. At one point while walking, all I could smell and taste was the auroma of my own blood and I felt lightheaded for just a second, and then I was fine.

The point of me bringing this up is just to push the question of what was the “sign” here, and what was it in reference to? Acutely, I would have to assume it was a comment on the separation of my friend and I (possibly an omen for one or both of us), but it could have been in reference to something I did or decided earlier that day, yesterday, or the week previously. If I were to submit myself to the logic of “signs” from the universe, I think I would lose my mind. The lines between fate and crafted and random blur together and then don’t mean anything anymore, at least to someone like me who would be wondering if every little thing said or done to me was a sign that she was somehow failing to follow. For my own peace of mind, I’ll continue to think that my mid-day, no-trauma nosebleed was just another natural development in the universe’s randomized cruelty of occurrence.