Casey Gilfillan

You’ve seen the signs, “Drive Like Your Kids Live Here,” sprinkled along suburban side streets in the hopes of inspiring cautionary driving. Every time I see those signs, I go through the same misconstruing string of thoughts that I know is not the intended ripple effect. I just cannot help but take it so literally. If I were to interpret that sign as it requests, to drive as though my children live there, I should be speeding without fear of repercussion or consequence for I am already in Hell, the Bad Place, or some other worse destiny. I should be speeding with that silly human hope of escaping this nightmare I have found myself in. If I have children and they, we, live here, I’m definitely being forcibly punished or tortured, and I would imagine this would be something I would only continue to tolerate if given no choice, i.e. as an unnegotiable moral determination by an omnipotent creator.

I know that’s not how you’re supposed to interpret it, I’m not obstinate…just too literal sometimes. I watch the road and drive the speed limit as is appropriate, without the need to consider the possibility of hitting my or someone else’s children with a car as motivation to behave. But I don’t think it too unseemly to ask that they write what they mean on the sign, even if they don’t want to be so literal and wordy about it. How about “Don’t Drive Like An Asshole” since that is essentially the message the sign is trying to communicate – encouraging people against the temptation of doing 40mph in a 25 zone with minimal police patrol. I find it interesting, the marketing tendencies that lean to psychology, that try to bring in personal perspective and the prospect of personal loss (like your own kids getting run down by someone’s Range Rover while chasing their ball into the street). Unfortunately, challenging the “It Won’t Happen To Me”-Ism works better than simply asking people to follow the rules because they benefit the collective good. Even people that already have children or want to procreate rely upon this narrow and self-reflecting command to give them that oh yeah, bad things can happen to everyone moment. If nothing else, I find the sign patronizing in its plea to selfish morality and in this pursuit, telling of our mindset as a society. It exposes us for our self-centeredness, lack of compassion for our neighbors, and absence of community responsibility.

Maybe I’m thinking too much about it – I definitely am thinking too much about it, and thinking about it in a wrong and unintended way. It wasn’t something meant to be broken down and chewed over, just seen in a passing drive as a heartfelt acknowledgement. Slow down now, you don’t want to hit and kill a child – remember, you live in a house near a street where cars drive, and yours could be next if everyone is as careless as you. I know it’s not that profound and it’s just a mass-produced, catchy-slogan street sign, but what does it say that we implore safety regulation-adherence through the projection of the possibility of personal tragedy? That is so odd, and a little dystopian. I know you don’t care about THEM, but what if it happened to YOU?