Mat

I want to see you and I cannot see you. The pillow at night is not just a pillow, My empty room is not empty- it is filled to spilling with the fluid of my longing; Nothing is empty. I see you in everyone. I am filled with your specter, the corners of my eyes hold your shadow and the corner of every room has a space for you to occupy, I am never alone in my longing for you. I want to see you, so I do. In my sleep, in my fantasies, in my clothes. I try to remember what you smell like, I hold my nose. 

I have so much to say to you but I only have one breath to say it. I have so much to say but you are filling up the space in my mouth where the words are meant to sit. Your fluid is filling up the space in my throat that holds my air. You are seeping out of my eyes, We have become heavy, we are crystalline, we are divine in our singularity, and focus. I have transmuted you into my pain, I have you, passionately. I have manifested so as to relieve us both; I have introduced you to relief! 

To my relief alone; I love you. I will not say it beautifully. I love you. I wanted it to hurt so I made it hurt. I cried into your shoulder until your shoulder was soaked through to the skin, I cried until you were saturated with the fluid of my enduring love. My dear, I want you. I am laden with this desire, I am deep beneath it. I am burned with your mark and I prod at the wound. I am burned with your mark and it hurts.